True Life: I'm Addicted to Sweets

November 18 2011 - 12:16 PM

CupcakescrumbsI've always had a huge sweet tooth – and not just for desserts. I love just about every fruit and have a weak spot for sweet and savory combos. Caramel corn and chocolate covered pretzels always win over their salty counterparts, and I always vote for pancakes and french toast in the morning. When I found myself downing sugar by the spoonful (this is an exaggeration, but not far from the truth), I knew I needed an intervention. I decided I would abstain from dessert for 5 whole days. And this is a pretty big deal for someone whose office has a candy drawer. Spoiler alert: it was even harder than I anticipated. 

Day 1: Relapse

Okay, I have a completely good excuse for this. I baked peanut butter cup blondies over the weekend for a party and never had the chance to try one. When I brought the leftovers to work on Monday, I started squirming just looking at them. Must. Eat. Blondie. I slowly, and very guiltily, picked one up and enjoyed every last bite. That was it. I would make it for the remainder of the week. I mean, I wasn't doing this challenge for health reasons at all. I made the decision to eat the blondie, and I was determined to make it through the next four days. 

Day 2: Candy Everywhere

I don't even eat much candy at work anymore, but there really was a lot of it left over from Halloween. Pardon the pun, but it was actually haunting me every time I walked past the kitchen. Mounds of excess Butterfingers and Reese's were practically begging me to unwrap them every time a coworker opened that drawer.

But I made it through the day. That night, I stopped over at Stanley's in Lincoln Park to catch a friend's comedy show. On the way out my friend and I naturally ran towards the free candy at the hostess stand. Free! I grabbed a Tootise Roll only to remember my personal pact and threw it in my bag for later…about 4 days later. 

Day 3: Do Muffins Count? 

I have now realized that I must have some psychological issue – implanted by my parents, of course – that I need something sweet at the end of every meal. Otherwise, no matter how much I eat, I simply cannot feel full. I anticipated this would happen, so I packed a homemade pumpkin muffin to eat after my salad for lunch. Cupcakes have frosting. And muffins are a breakfast item…right? 

For my dessert that night I had half a grapefruit. And an apple. Then, I was finally satiated. 

Day 4: Potbelly's Cookies Definitely Don't Count

This was such an exception. How was I to know that the week I decided to do this dessert fast my office would bring in lunch, which included dozens and dozens of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies?! It would've been in bad taste not to eat one. There were so many that I felt responsible to take one for the team and just eat one delicious, giant buttery cookie. I would have to make a sacrifice and only eat one. Wow…I really do have problems. 

Day 5: I Think We're Done

I had all intentions to follow through and not eat any desserts for the the remainder of the day. This was pretty much shot by 10 a.m. Someone showed up at my office with about a dozen doughnuts from the Doughnut Vault. Have you ever seen these things?? They are huge, delicious and quite a commodity in the River North neighborhood. Plus, they had every variety – including ones I had not yet tried. Glazed, maple,chocolate glazed and the illustrious gingerbread stack. I sacrificed my journalistic integrity (as well as my own) and tried quite a few doughnuts, wiping the sugar from my hands in defeat. But again, these are breakfast items…not desserts, right? 

The Moral: 

Clearly, this is not a possible goal for me. I have a disease, and it is not feasible for me to eliminate sweets from my diet. This disease is genetic and should be treated at a young age. Get help while you can – it's too late for me. 

–Marly Schuman